I think i sorta joined a cult last night
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
