best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
