dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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