Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
He called his prostate his "boner button".
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
