I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
