Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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