It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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