he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
