so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
sarcasm needs its own font
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.