my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I can't trust your balls anymore.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
