so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.