He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
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You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
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Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.