But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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