just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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