We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
