just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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