I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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