Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
