You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
