She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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