He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
third nipple confirmed
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Randomize
