Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
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