she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
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Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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