i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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