i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
