Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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