I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
