he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
and you fell through a lawn chair
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize