i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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