I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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