Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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