Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
