We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize