Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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