Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
