So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
