My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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