how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Randomize
