he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
