Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
