grandma shit on top of the toilet
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
