When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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