Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
