did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
