she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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