i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
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Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
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I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
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