When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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