Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
