i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
