Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
