dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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