Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Randomize
