She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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