Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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