Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
This girl is more easily done than said...
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
