is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Randomize
