do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
