I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
