Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
