dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
