If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
She said her name was "party"
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Everyone says I win the strip club
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Randomize
