we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
