SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
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