I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
