I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
