Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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